The Modern Definition of a ‘Good Man’

It’s not as easy as it used to be…

The definition of what a “good man” is, has probably changed a hundred times in the last 300 years. As I hear stories from my girlfriends, see the portrayals of adulterous men in movies and shows, and date as a single mom in 21st century, I am appalled at what’s accepted of male behavior these days.

I’ve realized recently that I’m quite old-fashioned. What I believe about dating and love is now out-dated. It seems like so many people around me are dating and/or sleeping with multiple people, cheating on their spouses and partners, hitting on people who are in a relationship, becoming polyamorous, using pornography on the side, or indulging in crushes outside of their relationship. Men I’ve ‘talked to’ on dating sites or over the phone have asked me for sexy pics, sent disrespectful messages, and have expected all kinds of things way too early. After two dates, one guy who seemed like a really ‘great guy’ told me over text that he expected sex soon, that he wouldn’t tolerate it if I wouldn’t put out. I was still trying to figure out if I was even attracted to him! Needless to say, I never spoke to him again. I believe that romantic love and intimacy should be between two people, after they know each other well enough to be turned on by more than just their looks. I believe that those two people should always be honest with one another, and once they’re an item, they should keep their eyes and sexual thoughts where they belong: on each other. I know, crazy ideas, right…? I would guess that a significant percentage of men would turn tail and run if I said all that to them.

A couple of decades ago, one of the biggest problems you could have was your boyfriend or husband checking another woman out in public once in a while, or having a crush on a famous movie actress he would never meet, or looking at a porn mag once in a while (all of these things: not a big deal). Okay, and yes, people have always cheated on each other. But these days (God, I sound old), the infidelity possibilities seem endless. He can stay in contact with old girlfriends on social media, and consider it ‘innocent’. He can check out women he’s never met in their inappropriately sexy online pictures, he can FRIEND and message these women, and then erase the messages so his partner doesn’t…